There’s something about Mark Zuckerberg that caught my eyes. Yes, he’s a billionaire. Yes, he started Facebook. And Yes, the Social Network put a negative spot light on him. But I wasn’t interested on those aspect about him, I am interested in his attitude about life. I don’t know was it due to his Jewish origin or his Atheist belief, he came as a person that really inspires me.

You see, most people in this world try hard to impress others, to the extend where they will show to others how ‘cool’ their lives are. At one point in my life, I was one of those people, perhaps of my vulnerable self-esteem, I was trying hard to be ‘likeable’. Especially to impress guys I guess. But it turned out, guys dig ladies who are not me. I was like in-between girl, a ‘friend but not girlfriend – girl’. It was depressing though, I wasn’t good enough no matter how hard I tried to impress others.

Mark Zuckerberg really reflected the kind of person I am. I am just, different. I like the fact that he appears to be extremely down-to-earth, humble and genuine. His awkwardness shows that he’s not pretending to be someone else. He’s comfortable wearing his sandals and sweatshirt. He’s never a stuck up, nor does he talk bad about others, despite having his best friend sued him and the idiotic Harvard twins squeezing millions of dollar out from him. Besides his good nature appearance, he’s extremely intelligent. Yeah, intelligence is sexy. To me, an intelligent man is much desirable than any wealth or good-looks or material possession.

One the other hand, there’s me. Perhaps the majority of men haven’t catch up with the progression of the females from the last century, intelligent women have to sometimes ‘act dumb’ or ‘lower their career marketable ability’ in order to impress men. Apparently having an intelligent girlfriend is no sexy to men. Yeah, they do tell others they like intelligent women, but it is a deliberate lie. Truth is, what they really meant is they want their women to be busy with her own thing so that she will not bother him 24/7. But when it comes to ideas and opinion, it’s hard for us women to express ourselves without making the men feeling intimidated.

Having a fly-high career, expressing intelligent views and opinions, making important decision, holding top position, not portraying the traditional female roles seem to be undesirable traits for a woman like me. You see, for a country like Malaysia, there’s a certain expectation to be young and female. You are supposed to beautify yourself by the standards of beauty magazines, pleasing men in any way that they like (or not they will leave you for the next bitch that can fill the role), you are not supposed to have ideas and opinion that is against his views (even though you know his IQ is damn low), you are supposed to bear his disrespectful attitude towards you and advised to be patient (because a man is always a man, they can never change rite?), you are supposed to play a role of a superwomen – cook like Martha Steward, clean like his mom, act like a trophy wife, submissive and quiet, especially in front of his friends and family, look like playboy playmate or all-covered hijab (according whatever the guy’s preference about his woman), work less hours and earn less income than him, bear babies and forbid to refuse sex (or suffer the risk of him having a second wife/mistress/divorce), and overall you are just a slave under his dictatorship.

In Asian culture, ‘saving face’ is an important aspect in mating. You are expected to make your husband ‘look good’ (but it is ok if the husband treated the wife like crap). So for people like me, I have no place. I do not fit the expected nature of an Asian wife. You see, I view the requirement of cooking and house chores as a sexless role, that means it supposed to be the role of everyone in the house to make sure the house is in good shape. While I have stopped reading beauty magazine ever since I listened to the song by Bar Luhrmann (Everybody Wear Sunscreen), and it is true I gained back my self-esteem the moment I stop looking at unnatural-photoshoped-female body . I consider myself as highly opinionated, I do not feel the need to self-censor myself to a guy I like just because my views might offend him.

On the other hand, some guys may not like his girlfriend to be sociable to other guys, just because he is scared she might be unfaithful to him. That is just a lame excuse for men to control women. Some even have to get the ’permission’ of her husband. Another thing is girlfriend checklist. Yeah, guys have it too, don’t deny it. Nowadays, guys have these ridiculous desire to have the perfect gorgeous trophy girlfriend. Not to mention, the pure bloods will only date pure bloods of their own kind. Having the wrong kind of religion or lacked of religion means the guy may not even care to look at your face. So, in another sense, I feel there’s this high expectation for me to turn into something else just to be able to impress those ‘eligible’ men.

Coming back to Mark Zuckerberg, he is dating an American-Asian that do not look like a supermodel, in fact she’s seem to be very comfortable to be herself and an intelligent lady herself too (she’s Harvard medic). I guess what I desire is a guy that can look beyond my skin colour and appearance, treat me as his equal ally and care to appreciate me as I am while value my intelligence as something of an asset to him, rather than an intimidation. Is guys like him still exist? I wonder.